"History is not an accident. History is a choice." Bayard Rustin

I am as moved to anger today, as I was on January 20, 2001. If you recall, this was the day that a governor was invited to live in the White House and pretend that he was elected president. Since last November, since Election Day, I have been struggling with a depression and sadness that I have seen in many of my clients. This is not because Al Gore did not gain the presidency. It is because I have felt a sense of hope and well-being for the last eight years, that I live in a country that finally is beginning to honor who I am as a human being. It is because I feel that I live in a place where I can feel that the basic fabric of our society is woven, by its own people, with decent, conscious, humane thread.

I am not alone in what I call "Election Related Depression". Our last election has had a profound effect on the emotional well being of many in this country. Many people now feel disenfranchised, disrespected, and powerless. Looking toward the next four years, they are feeling hopeless and pessimistic, and wonder if the last eight had even been real. It is not unrelated to an eight-year drug high; and then the crash as the euphoria wears off. I thought to call it "Bush Related Depression." However, in all honesty, I have endured the loss of my favored candidate in other elections when there was a clear victory. In this election, I would have accepted Bush, however begrudgingly, had he won with all votes counted and a clear consensus.

In the Fall of 1968, I remember being a nave and true American. I remember being a freshman at Harpur College (now Binghamton University in NY) an  defending my government and my president because I was raised to believe that they would always tell the truth and that the system always worked. We had a right and just purpose to be in Vietnam, I thought, because our government said so. I remember standing in the dorm lounge arguing this with a 6'4" militant sophomore name John, while thinking he was crazy to be that agitated and opinionated. This was a time of true turmoil in our country ? civil rights, women's rights, student's trying to teach our elders, as much as learning from our professors. And, of course, in 1969, Stonewall. It was a time of activism for many but for me, always the cautious one, I watched and felt uneasy. I began to feel things and that frightened me.

It took many semesters, and the invasion of Cambodia, for me to finally listen to my heart and to march, protest, and hand out flyers to the workers at IBM in Endicott, NY. I marched to Albany for gay rights. I attended rallies. I was angry but also scared of my anger and scared for my country. I remember participating, not as a leader, but as a timid man still afraid that I was doing something bad, but  nevertheless compelled to take action. There was power in these actions that came from within, one that was unfamiliar to me. But it felt good.

I felt similarly on January 20, 2001. I knew what had to be done and where I needed to be. Like many people protesting in other cities across our nation, I was in Pershing Square, in downtown Los Angeles, at a rally and march protesting the election and the "inauguration". I was with a few thousand others also suffering from this condition, an yet taking action in an empowering way with a constructive direction. I saw clients and friends and strangers who were there for the same reasons: a crowd of elderly, others from my generation of activists, high school students, and parents with their teens and young children. I felt strong again, and I felt us all being strong together. Clearly I was not alone in this and I felt stronger.

What also became stronger in me is a fear that my life has a new calling. In some form, I must continue to keep my power activated, keeping myself involved in this process in many ways. This message is just one of them. I used to be a news junkie but now I can hardly watch or listen so I mostly just read the news. It is too disturbing to see Bush's face and hear his voice but this does give me more time for other, more constructive, endeavors.

It is events like these in our clients' lives that drive them to seek therapy. Those events could be a history of childhood abuse, the death of a loved one, a history of addictions and so many other things that scar and damage the psyche, the heart, the mind and the soul. Just a few moments ago, while watching HBO's new film Boycott, I heard Bayard Rustin's quote---"History is not an accident. History is a choice."---referring to the 13-month bus boycott in Montgomery, Alabama, the event that began a movement to force this country to begin a slow process of righting two centuries of wrongs done to our "Negro" citizens. The courageous African Americans who came together in Alabama and across the country, came together as a community, as one voice, and achieved change. Perhaps even more important were the changes that happened within their souls, which learned that history as "choice" comes from conscious decisions we make today that create our future history. History is not an accident.

By writing this, I do not condemn those who voted for Bush or Nader. In fact, LAGPA has a registered Republican on our board of directors. One of our members, Charley Lang, a psychotherapist and occasional actor, played a Gay Republican Congressman on The West Wing in a way that so moved me that I actually can more fully understand how a queer person could be a Republican. This article is about my personal experience. This is not about politics as much as it is about the psychological and emotional impact that events had on me and which I believe, impact all human beings. What moves me to action is injustice and oppression. It is injustice and oppression that causes the problems we see in our offices daily. It is injustice and oppression that affects our own lives. We must stay conscious and vigilant of our own demons if we are to continue to be compassionate guiding lights to our clients and our community.

I believe that LAGPA as an organization is here to focus on the psychological and emotional well being of our clients and our community. It is extremely important that we, as therapists, do not underestimate the overt and covert impact of external events in the world as they affect individuals and relationships. Current events have an impact on one's ability to feel depression, happiness, joy, grief, and love, to work, play, sleep, drive and live life. 

I am grateful to have been a part of history that molded my sense of conscience and taught me what was possible when the cause is just and my heart finally screams out at a volume that I cannot ignore. I try now to listen to my heart, even when the sound is quieter. I have learned that my heart is always right and my head understands that it must find a way to follow through on my heart's urgings.

And so I am writing this to urge you, my colleagues and friends, to not ignore the symptoms of "Election Related Depression." While I am surprised by my difficulty to move on, I cannot act as if nothing had happened and, as if nothing needs to be done. I believe that the powers that be in Florida and the Supreme Court let us down. However, I also believe that we have a system that does work, even if it loses its way from time to time. In the same manner, we have minds and hearts that really can take care of us, even if they too, lose their way from time to time. As therapists, I believe that we are present as conscious lights and guides to help people rediscover their path, whatever that path may be. As human being, as a part of society, I feel I have a similar charge for my own soul. I will not stop, I will not be silent.